A Free Agent

In my previous post - The Stillbirth of My Relationship - I mentioned my doubts about the strength/existence of my potential love interest's love interest in me, and I was exactly right. It turned out she thought something had changed and it just didn't feel right anymore. She told me, if she could go back in time, she would. It's all rather silly. I suspect in a few weeks' time she will be in a relationship with some hot guy who is all political and activist-y. That's how these things tend to go. Oh well.

So it turns out I'm entering into my 2nd year a "free agent", which is terrifying for two reasons: 1) For almost the past decade of my life, for every year I've been single, something interesting has happened romantically to me; and 2) That interesting romantic thing has ended with my pain 100% of the time. (I should add here, before I go on, that for my two college years, it did calm down a bit, but minor crushes did happen, one in particular that bordered major, though disappointingly nothing even began to happen on that front).

I like romance. It makes life exciting, despite always promising pain. But when it's not being hurtful, it bestows upon you the most wonderful pleasures, mixed with the most curious anxieties. But all the same, terrified though I may be, I look forward to perhaps finding someone else to pine over. I'm not looking forward to collecting more vague disappointments to linger in the background of my memories, but alas, t'is how the world turns.

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