Love of Lights

I'm not gonna lie, man, my soul is weary and tormented, but I'm gonna hold out in the belief that things will improve. And I will hold out not merely on irrational hope or faith, but on the vision of possibility. It can  get better, that is clear enough, but damn, how much longer do I have to wait? I hope not long. I will need at least one of two things to feel less despondent, one of them being easier to attain than the other, though both not easy. Let's call these two things Freedom & Symbiosis. Freedom hopefully shall soon be attained, and I will be happy when that occurs, but Symbiosis is another question entirely. But for now, while I have neither, I just feel so down, it's crazy. I will be okay, though. I will be okay. My cowardice forces me into bravery; I will make it through until I find some kind of happiness, because the thought of giving up scares me far too much.

1. I hate the strict restrictions on freedom (of travel, specifically) on people simply because of where they were born. I wish the world's immigration systems were more human -- effective, but still understanding. Unfortunately, they're not, and I can see very little that I personally could do about it, so I must unwillingly acquiesce to the state of things. 2. Experience of the world is fundamentally first-person. Reading, analysing, interpreting art, literature, and philosophy must also be done from a first-person perspective: you can only see in a piece of art, or understand in some kind of theory, that which you can understand; beyond that, there is nothing to be seen or found. Your understanding can be expanded, but there is only ever so much as your understanding, and your understanding is perfect as regards you. The world that you experience is the true world that exists; the art that you interpret is the true art's meaning. Some might ask by way of response: ...

Seeing as the Digital Diet pretty much fell flat on its face, I've decided to approach this from a different angle. Earlier today I got one of those excited epiphanous moments in which an idea surges to your brain and you feel you must either act on it or at least note it down for future reference. In this case, I decided I'll act on it. The idea was simple: I'm going to buy lots of books (particularly in the Young Adult genre), stop using Facebook for a long time,  and simply split my time between reading, writing, watching films, and any revision/homework that I have to do. Hopefully approaching it (the Digital Diet) this way will be more effective. We'll see.

Yesterday I returned from my travels to Scotland (Edinburgh, St Andrews, Glasgow) with my friend, and today I am spending all day lying in bed with my laptop and doing nothing in particular. It feels good. Again, the visit up north was worth it, and has confirmed the fact that I will be accepting Edinburgh as my firm choice and Glasgow as my insurance. Of the three places, Edinburgh was my favourite, due to what seemed  to be a completely friendly disposition among the people, beautiful surroundings (architecture and nature -- envision strolling down a street and glimpsing powerful mountainous landscapes from the corner of your eye), the general feel of the city, and the university. At the talks we heard tale of the fun things you can get up to in the university societies, of which the Philosophy Society enthused me. There still exists a nervous element within me about starting a new life in (technically) a different country, but that's natural, and besides it's accompanied b...