Waiting on Love III

Recently, especially in the night, I've been thinking about her and aching again over how things went wrong. It's disturbing that it's been about 7 months and part of me still isn't completely over her. I know I expected too much from the kind of relationship we had, but I didn't expect that it would still affect me to this day.

I really wish I had somebody else, somebody to whom I could direct my new love, and truly get over her. As it stands, my love for her lingers, no matter how forcefully I tell myself the whole fiasco was an exaggeration, from start to finish.

It's not the most important thing to me right now, to have love in my life. I do have other points of focus that I'm glad to focus on, and I am happy, despite sometimes full of sighs in the night. It would be nice to have one whom I could love, but I know I'm not entitled to that.

I just do miss loving somebody. Loving people is one of the joys I get from life, and I've noticed this from quite a young age actually. The most memorable memories tend to be those marked by a girl I've liked. I don't think this is particularly unhealthy -- like I said, I'm not obsessed; I'm glad to focus on other things; it just so happens I truly love loving people, and I feel somewhat incomplete (but not devastatingly incomplete, simply markedly solitary) when I'm not doing it, be it unrequited, semi-requited, or whatever.

I've had crushes on plenty of girls, but I only classify 2 girls as girls I have loved. One with whom I am close friends now, the other is the girl who is the subject of the beginning of this post. Both have been unrequited in confused ways -- the first long and drawn out, the second semi-requited and finally unrequited. I imagine them as a line of succession, like monarchs. Love I, Love II. I am waiting on Love III, and I wait rather eagerly, which is always dangerous, but I'm aware of the dangers, and I'm prepared.

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