Low Times, Still Hopeful

I'm not gonna lie, man, my soul is weary and tormented, but I'm gonna hold out in the belief that things will improve. And I will hold out not merely on irrational hope or faith, but on the vision of possibility. It can get better, that is clear enough, but damn, how much longer do I have to wait? I hope not long. I will need at least one of two things to feel less despondent, one of them being easier to attain than the other, though both not easy. Let's call these two things Freedom & Symbiosis. Freedom hopefully shall soon be attained, and I will be happy when that occurs, but Symbiosis is another question entirely. But for now, while I have neither, I just feel so down, it's crazy. I will be okay, though. I will be okay. My cowardice forces me into bravery; I will make it through until I find some kind of happiness, because the thought of giving up scares me far too much.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SoE update

According to the Google Reader counter, more than 5 people read this blog, which is impressive, considering a lot of what I do is literally just try to figure out how I should structure my days. Not very sexy or rock and roll. This is what this post is about. So the first week of the schedule of equilibrium went okay and the second week worse. I'm trying to judge where I'm going wrong. I added 2 hours of Miscellaneous in order to cover for shower time and other little things that I felt need not necessarily count as free time, or any of the other categories. That wasn't such a bad idea. I think, however, trying to keep consistent every day of the week how much time I allocate to each category is what makes things difficult, considering that each day asks of me different things. But at the same time I don't want the amount of time I spend on a particular thing to be arbitrary either, so I want there to be some consistency. Mondays are my busiest days work-wise, so ...
Read more

A Letter To A Friend (On Hedonism)

I was thinking about you the other hour and how by degrees of consideration I have begun to understand the pressure you once and possibly still do feel to achieve greatly, and how you consequently personally desire to do greatly, regardless perhaps of the impracticalities of such desires. I considered my own situation, as one must do in order to understand another, with the express desire to pinpoint the source of this endless undercurrent of guilt that courses through me in the knowledge that I am not doing all that I should be. I thought of Sartre who says that feelings such as guilt, anxiety, and apprehension presuppose the Other, that is: other people, and how if the consideration of the Other was absent, so too would anxiety, guilt, or apprehension. To me, at least compared to you, it always seemed to me that I do my A levels and I study what I study for myself, and that my grades reflect myself and that the sphere encompasses me and me only. But that was naturally, clearly, and d...
Read more

What Am I Interested In? [The Eternal Question]

I guess what I want from Philosophy is the ability to stir the passions of people -- an interesting way, a way that appeals to myself too, to look at the world and understand it. I don't mean I have to move people; I'm not so much about moving people. That's politics. I just want to see the world in a more clear, helpful way, without frill and pomp, but still with beauty and majesty, and I guess that's what I want to get out of philosophy and eventually get into my writing. I want to touch people's passions in such a way that they see differently, but this has nothing to do with moving people, or making them do anything. It's an internal thing. I'm trying to figure out the most moving regions of philosophy. Philosophy is very wide, and much of it is interesting, but there comes a point when you have to figure out what it is you're studying it for, and focus more on that area, otherwise you will only be weak in many areas, as opposed to strong or pro...
Read more