Who Am I?

I am 20 years old and black. None of  those facts define me in an essentialistic way, but they do make up parts of  who I am. The only essential is the "I", the me, the individual. The rest is happen-stance.

I am 20, so I am youthful. I have all of life before me: opportunities, ambitions, excitements. Potentiality surrounds me in abundance and I bear the tools of actuality, ready to turn what might be into what is. The only 3 things I need are confidence, perseverance, and a philosophy of wisdom.

I am black, which makes me a swarthy negro.  No literature tells of my beauty.  Nobody recognises it. I must perfect  my own imagine should I hope anybody notice it. I can't  rest on luscious locks and pale, fair skin. I am rough haired, smooth of dark chocolate skin, a creature of the earth more than the heavens. I am  easily despised by a culture that looks upwards instead of forwards, down, and around. They seek the whiteness of clouds and see in me only the darkness of dirt. No matter what beauty may possibly be seen in me,  I must accept my aesthetic disadvantage, for my traits are not valued the highest, if valued at all.  But I  have the power to carry this burden. I can procure the privileges of personality and rise myself up, and accentuate my own image. If I intensify my individuality, if I draw attention to myself, people -- the value-seeking creatures that they are -- will begin to see value in me; they may even see beauty. So it's my duty, it seems, to develop the "I", to become a personality. But how do I develop the "I"? I must become an actor on the stage of real life. I must take pieces of what I deem best from various sources, I must become a collaboration of personalities and traits and  this will be my actor's mask. And I  will take off the mask for those with whom I am closest, but in order to attract in the first place, I must wear  the mask. My mask will be personality just like the beautiful's mask is physical aesthetic. Everybody wears a mask and behind the mask there is a softer core. There is a complex interplay between the mask and the core and the "I", which I've attempted to explore before when I was younger, but will  have to explore again in a different post.

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