Playing Chicken With My Own Feelings

I think I may have fallen for her. My crush on H has reached critical, slowly but surely. She didn't have to do much at all. She has been herself, unassuming and down to earth, but so clearly Her at the same time. Her personality has fallen into mine like a corresponding piece and her smile and her eyes have won me over with no effort at all. My behaviour towards her is not subtle, but it's not explicit either. I am one short step away from telling her I miss her when I'm  not with her. I've told her I love her in that way one says it in jest; a spark of truth canvassed by layers of 'humour'. I'm not with her enough and my heart contorts when I see her face on my facebook app, in conversation with me.

But I know I must stay silent. I think there's someone else in her life, some secret boy she never talks about, unlike most people who can't help but immediately reveal the status of their love life. She may have let it slip once, but either I'm genuinely unsure whether I heard it right or my mind, in a desperate attempt to disbelieve it, is contorting my memory, utilising denial. I fear straightforwardly asking, though. It might end in that anyway; my heart complains for not knowing. However, I might keep silent all the same, try to ride it out, play chicken with my own feelings. That's all I can do, really.

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