How To Find The One, A Simple Guide

Internalise and work with these rules:

1) everybody has faults 
2) everybody has certain personality traits 
3) to find the one: 
3a) the one's faults must be leapable (i.e. able to be crossed by a leap of faith; they must be not too detrimental to the relationship) 
3b) the set of the one's personality traits must be contained in the set of personality traits you find desirable
4) To discover those personality traits, you work like an explorer or adventurer, scaling the protective wall (which for our purposes, everybody or most everybody erects) until you see over it and into that person.

Admittedly, (4) still requires a bit more practical wisdom to guide you. I will work on providing it. For now, I suggest:
  • smile/be friendly (initially this can be affected, later on it won't and can't be), 
  • be genuinely interested in what they have to say (remember, the point is to discover the personality traits; not being genuinely interested runs contrary to the point), 
  • try to identify those unspoken undercurrents between you and the other person; they say so much,
  • when the Fear comes, work with it. It is not your nemesis, but your companion. At times it will tell you not to go on, and you must judge by the personality traits you have discovered and those silent undercurrents whether you should listen to the Fear or ignore it and press on,
  • failure or success are both facts of the future, and of course we're aiming for success, but you mustn't think about it so much. Remember, the future is illusory, uncertain, and unformed -- it is not here yet; it does not exist. While you can worry about non-existent things, do yourself a favour and don't.

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