Not A Potential Girlfriend. Not A Potential Girlfriend. Not A Potential Girlfriend! Or, See How You Feel

Recently I met a girl, and I may like her, and she may like me. This means there is potential for us becoming an item, and this frightens the hell out of me.

For one, I'm fairly sure that neither of us are certain that we like each other or whether those nights were thanks entirely to alcohol. Secondly, I have no idea how one goes about becoming "an item" with somebody else. I have ideas, but the prospect scares me -- the getting to know each other because you're interested in each other romantically, the possible disappointment that could be faced from either side. It is all very frightening.

I think it might be important that I view her just as a friend than as a possible girlfriend, because my nerves will ruin everything. However, if I treat her just as I would treat any friend, it's inevitable that it will seem as though I am not interested in her romantically, and I'm fairly sure that her possible interest will wane too. I don't think she is particularly smitten over me, and I feel like she would move on without really even batting an eyelid if I didn't demonstrate my interest.

I think it has to be that way, though. Otherwise I may rush into something I am unsure about, which is unwise. She seems really cool, but I don't know enough about her to be smitten either. I want it to work because 19 years is a long time running without reciprocated love, but I don't know whether I want it to work because I want to be with her specifically, which is very important. Getting into a relationship just because you want to be loved and to love is not good motivation. One gets into a relationship because they love the person specifically, and they want an intimacy with them that is precluded by friendship alone. That sounds like I just mean sex, but I do not just mean sex.

I think I shouldn't aim so much. I should let myself be guided by how I feel about it instead of by my fears that I might have been leading her on and that will disappoint her, or by my fears that she will move on, or my desire to Be In A Relationship. I should see how I feel and how she feels, and react to that alone.

The next time we meet, we will be at a bar, but I want to meet her before that; I don't want the confusion of alcohol to be a factor. I might ask her to coffee in the daytime, if she is free, but I don't know how to ask her. It will seem like a date, but I don't want it to be a date; I want it strictly to be coffee and seeing how we feel around each other with nobody else around and without alcohol. I wish I could just tell her this upfront, and normally I would, but I think it may be awkward to say it so.

I'll do my exam tomorrow and see how I feel. I'm not a very courageous boy; I wish I had more in me. But I feel as though I really do want to ask her to coffee tomorrow. I'm rather disposed to it right now; I've even just drafted what the text might look like in my mind. I think I've found a way to ask her; and I will be upfront, but not as plainly upfront as I have been in this post. I will simply mention that we haven't met without having drunk copious amounts of alcohol and that I think it would be nice if we did so without it before we go to the bar later that night. Yes, it will be good.

Okay, I might be excited. We will see. (We will see has got to be the phrase I end most of my posts with).

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