The End
I am tired. It is the end. It is 23:42 as I type this sentence, so it is very nearly the end of the day. Today also happened to be the end of my A Levels, which is most certainly the end of a significant epoch of my life. I won't proclaim with any certainty that A Levels are over and that I'm moving on, because I'm not entirely sure about how I did in my summer exams; I'm hoping I won't have to retake anything -- I would rather go to Clearing and find another course at a university other than Edinburgh, so long as I'm still able to do Philosophy as part of my degree.
I really want this to be the end of A Levels. I truly do want to move on. I feel ready. I want to step out into the world, unprotected by my mother's house above me; I want to have a space of my own in another city, and I want to develop as a person. I want to be self-aware in the most beneficial way possible, i.e. not half as neurotic as I am now, I want to become more confident, continue in developing my eloquence, and most importantly, I want to be able to speak in interested detail about a subject/topic. I am always interested in somebody who can demonstrate their passion through the diligence of their language and the sharpness of their knowledge, and this I want to be able to do with aspects of Philosophy and Italian, I suppose, if I get into Edinburgh. Italian was rather a last minute pick of language, simply because a few things about Italy interest me (such as its history in the arts and also its ties with Ancient Rome), but I really don't know all that much about it. I will attempt to engage in it interestedly, though, as well as with what I do in Philosophy. I should like to learn about the art and philosophy of Italy and Italians, from ancient to modern times, to know how that affects the culture and their way of thought, and how it affects the rest of the world.
I'm ready to become a fuller person. I'm ready to attempt to initiate connections with people myself, and I'm ready to face disappointment, too. I'm ready to consciously and actively dismiss my fears, and I'm ready to take the steps necessary to become the person I want to be. I'm on my way, and I believe it truly.
I may be disappointed on results day -- I anticipate this in advance. But so long as I can leave the nest, so long as I can find an interesting Philosophy course in some other part of this isle away from home, somewhere where I can grow for myself and with others and in a new environment, I will be content.
The end of my college era feels very different to the end of my secondary school era. The end of secondary school felt very much about looking back and nostalgia, but the end of college feels much more about the future and development. There was no big ado, no leaver's assembly or anything of the like. It simply petered out with the ending of exams. In a positive way, it doesn't really feel like the end of anything with my college friends. We are meeting up for drinks tomorrow, and have other events planned over the summer, so there is a sense of continuity still present. I think it will be easy to stay friends with these lot, when we all return from our respective universities to visit our parents and friends on holidays. Incidentally, that's how I'd like to imagine it in the future -- returning will be to visit parents and friends, it won't be returning to visit 'home'. I would like to reserve that word for wherever I feel most comfortable or settled in at the present time, not simply the place where I grew up.
I think that's all I had to say, really. I'm growing up and having to cope with it, despite its difficulties and stresses. They are but a challenge integral to life, and being conscious and aware of your own movements and developments. You must also be aware of the challenges with which you are faced, and cope with them, and try to let them add to you as opposed to detract from you. Whatever happens on August 16 will be an experience and an addition, as opposed to a defeat or a detraction. And whatever happens after that will be but more experience, development, existence.
I'm ready.
I really want this to be the end of A Levels. I truly do want to move on. I feel ready. I want to step out into the world, unprotected by my mother's house above me; I want to have a space of my own in another city, and I want to develop as a person. I want to be self-aware in the most beneficial way possible, i.e. not half as neurotic as I am now, I want to become more confident, continue in developing my eloquence, and most importantly, I want to be able to speak in interested detail about a subject/topic. I am always interested in somebody who can demonstrate their passion through the diligence of their language and the sharpness of their knowledge, and this I want to be able to do with aspects of Philosophy and Italian, I suppose, if I get into Edinburgh. Italian was rather a last minute pick of language, simply because a few things about Italy interest me (such as its history in the arts and also its ties with Ancient Rome), but I really don't know all that much about it. I will attempt to engage in it interestedly, though, as well as with what I do in Philosophy. I should like to learn about the art and philosophy of Italy and Italians, from ancient to modern times, to know how that affects the culture and their way of thought, and how it affects the rest of the world.
I'm ready to become a fuller person. I'm ready to attempt to initiate connections with people myself, and I'm ready to face disappointment, too. I'm ready to consciously and actively dismiss my fears, and I'm ready to take the steps necessary to become the person I want to be. I'm on my way, and I believe it truly.
I may be disappointed on results day -- I anticipate this in advance. But so long as I can leave the nest, so long as I can find an interesting Philosophy course in some other part of this isle away from home, somewhere where I can grow for myself and with others and in a new environment, I will be content.
The end of my college era feels very different to the end of my secondary school era. The end of secondary school felt very much about looking back and nostalgia, but the end of college feels much more about the future and development. There was no big ado, no leaver's assembly or anything of the like. It simply petered out with the ending of exams. In a positive way, it doesn't really feel like the end of anything with my college friends. We are meeting up for drinks tomorrow, and have other events planned over the summer, so there is a sense of continuity still present. I think it will be easy to stay friends with these lot, when we all return from our respective universities to visit our parents and friends on holidays. Incidentally, that's how I'd like to imagine it in the future -- returning will be to visit parents and friends, it won't be returning to visit 'home'. I would like to reserve that word for wherever I feel most comfortable or settled in at the present time, not simply the place where I grew up.
I think that's all I had to say, really. I'm growing up and having to cope with it, despite its difficulties and stresses. They are but a challenge integral to life, and being conscious and aware of your own movements and developments. You must also be aware of the challenges with which you are faced, and cope with them, and try to let them add to you as opposed to detract from you. Whatever happens on August 16 will be an experience and an addition, as opposed to a defeat or a detraction. And whatever happens after that will be but more experience, development, existence.
I'm ready.
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