The Marketplace of Ideas: Active & Artistic (Or, More Thoughts on Ambitions)

I'm at quite a low point in my life right now. I'm in my final year of university, coming to the end of a joint honours degree, half of which I tried terribly to get out of but wasn't able to. As a result of that, I'm probably going to do poorly in that half, which will bring my overall grade down. On the one hand, this is upsetting because I know I am capable, I'm smart, and I have drive in an amenable environment, but, given my present environment, all those things have been lacking, and I've been a very poor version of myself. Still, though, university is coming to a close, which means two things for me: 1) this terrible situation is coming to a close, and 2) I need to think about what I want to do next.

This is a terrifying prospect, naturally. When you're at a low point in life, feeling like the past 4 years have been a questionable investment, you start to panic about figuring out what to do next (in a pragmatic sense). So, I don't want to focus this post on what I'm going to do next in a pragmatic sense (although this is obviously an incredibly important question). Rather, I'll focus on what my ambitions are in the ideal sense. What do I want to be in the future?

I've mentioned before on this blog that I want to be involved in the marketplace of ideas, somehow. I want to bring a point of view and influence discourse on different things. Thinking about this a little more carefully, I think there are two ways to do this. There is an active way and an artistic way. The active way, I think, corresponds to doing work in fields that have practical effects. For example, becoming a politician counts as having an active role in the marketplace of ideas, but so does writing a non-fiction book that explains, say, general relativity. So does writing a blog that gives context to certain debates in the public consciousness, so does doing a video series on that.

Now, the artistic way deals less directly with the ideas themselves, but focuses on the presentation of ideas and providing people with enjoyment as they digest certain ideas. While an active role in the marketplace of ideas might be likened to a hard-hitting paracetamol tablet, an artistic role could be considered more like a sweetened lozenge -- something that helps, but tastes good too.

I hope that doesn't sound condescending to the role of art, because I think most people engage on an artistic level much more than on what I've called an active level. Art can reach more people and perhaps more deeply than the voice of non-artistic active participants, but active participation often gets to the core of certain issues in a clearer, more direct way, which is more useful for pragmatic concerns, for people who wish to use information to do something. Not everybody does want to turn the potential of ideas into something active -- oftentimes I don't -- some people prefer to use ideas in a purely personal sense, to orient how they approach life. This is the beauty that art brings. It is a subtle tool for subtle people.

I want to be involved in both aspects, however. On the artistic side, I know what I want, and I've wanted it since I was a young boy -- I want to write stories for people. I want to write novels that give people something to think about, that get people to feel certain things -- but most importantly, that people just have a good time reading. This is one of my primary and oldest ambitions in life.

However, on the active side, a new ambition has entered the scene. I think I may want to make a series of short video essays that contextualise certain ideas for people. A direct engagement with the ideas. I'm not one hundred percent sure about delving into that just yet, but it's certainly something on the forefront of my mind. But if I can, I think I want to go further into philosophy, to see what I can do there. One man can't do everything, though, so focus is required. The opening paragraph of this post relates to the main problem with going further into academic philosophy: I simply might not get the grades to get into any programmes I would like to get into. I don't know. I may also be being overly pessimistic. I doubt I'll achieve below a 2.2 degree qualification, and sometimes you can get accepted into a masters with just that.

Ideally, I would like to do a masters in just philosophy before deciding finally on what to pursue fiercely on the "active" side of my ambitions. The fact that I've written that sentence tells me I really should start applying to places, even if my confidence is at an all time low.

I don't know. My brain is fried and I haven't been able to think brilliantly over the past few months. It is at times like these I wish I could hand the reigns of my life over for a couple of months to somebody with a little more cool and sanity, and pick up when things have cleared up. But I can't do that. I have to face the fire myself. I have to act with cool and sanity, despite feeling fear and anxiety excessively.

I kind of want to crash and just rise later from my ashes, but I can't. I need to think of something to do. 

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