End Of Second Year, & other recaps
A few things have happened since I lasted posted, so it's about time I caught myself up here. For organisation and expedience's sake, I'll go ahead and use section headings to order this.
1. Venice.
I took my first trip abroad without parents in April. It was just me and my flatmate. I really wish I had written up a post of its own, so that I might have gotten into the nitty gritty of how I felt about it, but now it feels long gone and already fully part of me. I should briefly mention the highlights: (i) exercising my now "official" Europeanness -- the ease of travel that comes along with being officially recognised as a member of an international community, the realisation of the freedom and potential having a British passport now grants me, the feeling of my documents matching my inner affinities; (ii) using Italian to native Italians -- while I was clearly a foreigner with confused Italian, I managed to get my point across, and it's given me confidence that once I'm on my Erasmus year abroad, give it a month or so, I should be communicating just fine (that first month will be killer, though); (iii) the confidence gained from doing something like this without adults -- I feel now I can possible do some travelling in the future by myself, even with the handicap of being a black male (it's a handicap because people are more cautious around you; they're not liable to be as friendly or forthcoming compared to if you were, say, a white girl).
2. Second Year Completed.
I am halfway through my university career now. It's a curious sensation that I should take a minute here to reflect on. University happens both quickly and slowly. In the moment you are experiencing days in and days out, events here and events there; sometimes the tedium of daily intellectualism gets to you, other times you're thrilled by student life, your smart friends, the interesting topics you study, the various social encounters you have. This strange mixture results in you only realising how quickly the year has passed when you consider it in retrospect -- though in your retrospective reflection, you can still clearly see everything that happened. What has happened to me this second year and what have I learnt from it?
(i) [REDACTED BECAUSE WHAT WAS WRITTEN HERE BEFORE WAS UNKIND. THIS SEX POST EXPLORES THE THOUGHT BETTER.]
(ii) In terms of participation, I need to find a balance between going all-out-in (as with becoming the president of the philosophy society) and not doing anything at all. Being the president was a learning experience and it has boosted my confidence in some areas, but I feel I wasn't prepared for the station. In my third year, I'll only be helping PhilSoc out with the journal, as I'll be away, but I think it's a good amount of stepping-down. In fourth year, I'll try to do a balanced amount of participating, with less than second year's Becoming-The-President, but more than merely the journal. In Italy, I suppose I will mostly be travelling and building confidence (linguistic and otherwise), so I guess I won't have to worry so heavily about society/club participation.
(iii) University is so so short. Consider the fact that, growing up, most of your friendships have been forged over years and years. At university you only have 4. Most of the people I've grown to be friends with have been in years above me, so my next two years are going to be curious. My next year, in Italy, will be that One Fleeting Year where it may be difficult to make any lasting friends -- I'll need to focus on building my confidence and language skills rather than making lasting friends. It will be a bonus if I do, but I don't expect it. Then, back in Edinburgh, when I return in my 4th year, every single one of my closer friends made in my first two years will have graduated, save for two. So my last year will almost be like starting again socially, right after having done a year where I started again socially. I guess the main lesson I'm trying to draw here is to be more okay with trying to forge friendships, because you never know what will happen. In my next two years I should try more actively to socialise in smaller ways like merely going for coffee or taking walks, instead of only waiting for big parties and events to come along.
--
I think that does it for this post. So, just to recap, what should I aim for for the rest of 2014 and the coming academic year? (i) More confidence with cultivating relations with individuals, regarding friendship; (ii) in Italy, don't be bummed out if I don't make the best of friends ever, but just build confidence in myself and the language and try to become a fuller person -- travel, be confident; (iii) keep up the good fight.
1. Venice.
I took my first trip abroad without parents in April. It was just me and my flatmate. I really wish I had written up a post of its own, so that I might have gotten into the nitty gritty of how I felt about it, but now it feels long gone and already fully part of me. I should briefly mention the highlights: (i) exercising my now "official" Europeanness -- the ease of travel that comes along with being officially recognised as a member of an international community, the realisation of the freedom and potential having a British passport now grants me, the feeling of my documents matching my inner affinities; (ii) using Italian to native Italians -- while I was clearly a foreigner with confused Italian, I managed to get my point across, and it's given me confidence that once I'm on my Erasmus year abroad, give it a month or so, I should be communicating just fine (that first month will be killer, though); (iii) the confidence gained from doing something like this without adults -- I feel now I can possible do some travelling in the future by myself, even with the handicap of being a black male (it's a handicap because people are more cautious around you; they're not liable to be as friendly or forthcoming compared to if you were, say, a white girl).
2. Second Year Completed.
I am halfway through my university career now. It's a curious sensation that I should take a minute here to reflect on. University happens both quickly and slowly. In the moment you are experiencing days in and days out, events here and events there; sometimes the tedium of daily intellectualism gets to you, other times you're thrilled by student life, your smart friends, the interesting topics you study, the various social encounters you have. This strange mixture results in you only realising how quickly the year has passed when you consider it in retrospect -- though in your retrospective reflection, you can still clearly see everything that happened. What has happened to me this second year and what have I learnt from it?
(i) [REDACTED BECAUSE WHAT WAS WRITTEN HERE BEFORE WAS UNKIND. THIS SEX POST EXPLORES THE THOUGHT BETTER.]
(ii) In terms of participation, I need to find a balance between going all-out-in (as with becoming the president of the philosophy society) and not doing anything at all. Being the president was a learning experience and it has boosted my confidence in some areas, but I feel I wasn't prepared for the station. In my third year, I'll only be helping PhilSoc out with the journal, as I'll be away, but I think it's a good amount of stepping-down. In fourth year, I'll try to do a balanced amount of participating, with less than second year's Becoming-The-President, but more than merely the journal. In Italy, I suppose I will mostly be travelling and building confidence (linguistic and otherwise), so I guess I won't have to worry so heavily about society/club participation.
(iii) University is so so short. Consider the fact that, growing up, most of your friendships have been forged over years and years. At university you only have 4. Most of the people I've grown to be friends with have been in years above me, so my next two years are going to be curious. My next year, in Italy, will be that One Fleeting Year where it may be difficult to make any lasting friends -- I'll need to focus on building my confidence and language skills rather than making lasting friends. It will be a bonus if I do, but I don't expect it. Then, back in Edinburgh, when I return in my 4th year, every single one of my closer friends made in my first two years will have graduated, save for two. So my last year will almost be like starting again socially, right after having done a year where I started again socially. I guess the main lesson I'm trying to draw here is to be more okay with trying to forge friendships, because you never know what will happen. In my next two years I should try more actively to socialise in smaller ways like merely going for coffee or taking walks, instead of only waiting for big parties and events to come along.
--
I think that does it for this post. So, just to recap, what should I aim for for the rest of 2014 and the coming academic year? (i) More confidence with cultivating relations with individuals, regarding friendship; (ii) in Italy, don't be bummed out if I don't make the best of friends ever, but just build confidence in myself and the language and try to become a fuller person -- travel, be confident; (iii) keep up the good fight.
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