How I Shall Be In My 20s & Beyond
Earlier this month, I wrote about what I have learnt so far, as I
approach my 20th birthday. Having written the retrospective, I should
now like to write the prospective. Entering my second decade of life,
what kind of person should I like to become, what should I strive
towards, what has worked that I should continue doing?
The first thought that comes to mind, which will probably trickle down and affect all other behaviours, is that I should like to be more fearless. Having reached 20, it becomes suddenly apparent that one only has 50 or 60 years of life left, or perhaps even less if unlucky. While this is the majority of one's life, one has to remember two things: firstly, as you grow older, time seems to pass more quickly for whatever reason. You begin to more solidly comprehend the blocks of time that are passing. On the other hand, you become more busy and are pigeon-holed into certain areas of life, giving you less liberty as the time goes by, as you become more ensnared in a particular profession and your responsibilities become more grave; or simply your body wears down and you are physically limited in your freedom. In other words, at 20, time is no longer a friend, a guiding figure, allowing one to develop and mature. Time isn't quite an enemy either, for that only happens later in life. Time is like a healthy rival. Time should inspire you to achieve that which you want to achieve with more determination. Time isn't yet breaking you down, but it's threatening, and if you let her win, you will have wasted the most valuable thing in the world: your life. Time wants to pull you into decrepit old age before you can succeed and see the world and love -- but it's up to you to do those things first. And this takes fearlessness.
I need to grow more fearless in my estimation of myself: intellectually and personality-wise. I need to develop a reckless confidence that is safeguarded by a net of stoicism. Intellectually I must assume that my writing is good, that I'm just as good as some of the great published people. I need to get it out there for people to read and love. I need to assume that no topic is beyond my ability of comprehension, so long as I focus on it in the correct way and learn from the right sources. When people fail to recognise these merits, or when I fail to understand some topic, I will fall back on stoicism, and readjust what it takes to make me upset. Then I will go on and try again, reckless and confident.
Personality-wise, I must assume that I am loveable. I must assume that what I have to say is of equal merit to what anybody else in a given group has to say. I must trust in my ability to break down the wall of formality that all people erect. I must believe that, despite the fact that most people have internalised some racist beliefs, I can break through them and be loved and understood and appreciated despite my colour. I should assume that personality trumps physical considerations, no matter what people say. Should I ever find myself wrong in any of this, I should shrug and press on, unable to be defeated. Some thoughts we must take as axiomatic for our behaviour, even when contended against. Freewill is an example of this, and I shall take some of these personality-confidences as examples too.
I must learn to be interested in the tender hearts of people and not their superficialities. It's easy to be intimidated by somebody's looks, or dismissive of somebody's looks, but I must understand that they are the main character of their own personal narrative and find out their story. I should keep a diary of the narratives of the people I meet -- stories need not only be found in books; stories have an oral tradition too.
From people's inner beauty, I should try to find the physical beauty in people who I do not immediately find attractive -- this I'm not sure if I'll succeed in, but I will try.
I should feel, even in the face of adversity, a great kinship amongst my fellow human beings. I should live by the principle of charity, giving all strangers the benefit of the doubt, and if the doubt is dissipated and they prove unkind, I should not hate them for it, but assume merely that they are having either a bad day or a bad period of their life, or that their entire life has been positioned unfortunately, making them sour in all directions, though they should only be sour at injustice. This kinship, conjoined with personality-confidence and intellectual-confidence and the interest of narratives should inspire me to travel, even when alone, if I have the money. (I have the passport for it now, finally).
To summarise, I should fearlessly open my heart but be immune to destruction. I should welcome pains, embarrassments and high joys, but never let them rock my foundation. This, ultimately, means believing first and foremost in myself and secondly in the goodness of others, even when presented with contrary cases. People are not born good or evil; they are born neutral and immediately tend toward connection and affection. Only later are they filled with territorial thoughts and the desire to build up walls to deny others. My assumption that I will live on is that there is a child within everybody, behind those defensive walls, who tends to connection and understanding, and it is to that that I will appeal.
These thoughts are very optimistic and idealistic; they may get me beaten up or even killed. But what are the alternatives? Be a hermetic stoic who avoids the world for fear of having his emotions riled, who sees nothing and lets Time win. No: I'm a writer and a conscious being. I won't waste these gifts. I will feel pleasure and pain and derive lessons from the both. The only thing that will destroy me will be death, never by my own hand. All else I will survive.
The first thought that comes to mind, which will probably trickle down and affect all other behaviours, is that I should like to be more fearless. Having reached 20, it becomes suddenly apparent that one only has 50 or 60 years of life left, or perhaps even less if unlucky. While this is the majority of one's life, one has to remember two things: firstly, as you grow older, time seems to pass more quickly for whatever reason. You begin to more solidly comprehend the blocks of time that are passing. On the other hand, you become more busy and are pigeon-holed into certain areas of life, giving you less liberty as the time goes by, as you become more ensnared in a particular profession and your responsibilities become more grave; or simply your body wears down and you are physically limited in your freedom. In other words, at 20, time is no longer a friend, a guiding figure, allowing one to develop and mature. Time isn't quite an enemy either, for that only happens later in life. Time is like a healthy rival. Time should inspire you to achieve that which you want to achieve with more determination. Time isn't yet breaking you down, but it's threatening, and if you let her win, you will have wasted the most valuable thing in the world: your life. Time wants to pull you into decrepit old age before you can succeed and see the world and love -- but it's up to you to do those things first. And this takes fearlessness.
I need to grow more fearless in my estimation of myself: intellectually and personality-wise. I need to develop a reckless confidence that is safeguarded by a net of stoicism. Intellectually I must assume that my writing is good, that I'm just as good as some of the great published people. I need to get it out there for people to read and love. I need to assume that no topic is beyond my ability of comprehension, so long as I focus on it in the correct way and learn from the right sources. When people fail to recognise these merits, or when I fail to understand some topic, I will fall back on stoicism, and readjust what it takes to make me upset. Then I will go on and try again, reckless and confident.
Personality-wise, I must assume that I am loveable. I must assume that what I have to say is of equal merit to what anybody else in a given group has to say. I must trust in my ability to break down the wall of formality that all people erect. I must believe that, despite the fact that most people have internalised some racist beliefs, I can break through them and be loved and understood and appreciated despite my colour. I should assume that personality trumps physical considerations, no matter what people say. Should I ever find myself wrong in any of this, I should shrug and press on, unable to be defeated. Some thoughts we must take as axiomatic for our behaviour, even when contended against. Freewill is an example of this, and I shall take some of these personality-confidences as examples too.
I must learn to be interested in the tender hearts of people and not their superficialities. It's easy to be intimidated by somebody's looks, or dismissive of somebody's looks, but I must understand that they are the main character of their own personal narrative and find out their story. I should keep a diary of the narratives of the people I meet -- stories need not only be found in books; stories have an oral tradition too.
From people's inner beauty, I should try to find the physical beauty in people who I do not immediately find attractive -- this I'm not sure if I'll succeed in, but I will try.
I should feel, even in the face of adversity, a great kinship amongst my fellow human beings. I should live by the principle of charity, giving all strangers the benefit of the doubt, and if the doubt is dissipated and they prove unkind, I should not hate them for it, but assume merely that they are having either a bad day or a bad period of their life, or that their entire life has been positioned unfortunately, making them sour in all directions, though they should only be sour at injustice. This kinship, conjoined with personality-confidence and intellectual-confidence and the interest of narratives should inspire me to travel, even when alone, if I have the money. (I have the passport for it now, finally).
To summarise, I should fearlessly open my heart but be immune to destruction. I should welcome pains, embarrassments and high joys, but never let them rock my foundation. This, ultimately, means believing first and foremost in myself and secondly in the goodness of others, even when presented with contrary cases. People are not born good or evil; they are born neutral and immediately tend toward connection and affection. Only later are they filled with territorial thoughts and the desire to build up walls to deny others. My assumption that I will live on is that there is a child within everybody, behind those defensive walls, who tends to connection and understanding, and it is to that that I will appeal.
These thoughts are very optimistic and idealistic; they may get me beaten up or even killed. But what are the alternatives? Be a hermetic stoic who avoids the world for fear of having his emotions riled, who sees nothing and lets Time win. No: I'm a writer and a conscious being. I won't waste these gifts. I will feel pleasure and pain and derive lessons from the both. The only thing that will destroy me will be death, never by my own hand. All else I will survive.
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