Dealing With Discussing Feelings

Sometimes I wish I was a rich kid living in uptown New York, so that it wouldn't be at all bizarre for me to have a therapist that I spill out to, that helps me gather my thoughts and problems.

However, I'm not. I'm an English kid from a poor neighbourhood, which means therapy isn't even an afterthought to anyone -- therapy is only for the most deranged in the poor English community. Which leaves me with writing blogs, trying to sift through my emotions and feelings.

I think I've noticed that I tend to want to suppress my emotions when I'm communicating with others directly, and I'm not sure how to get over that. I noticed when my friend asked me how it's going with that girl I met. I instantly didn't want to talk about it.

I guess -- and I'm not sure because I've never been through it -- in therapy, a therapist might now ask: why did I feel that way? Why is it that I feel the need to shut off intimate discussion and conversation?

I guess it's just because I haven't found a way to talk about those things that I'm comfortable with yet. I always feel absurd and exaggerated when I talk about my feelings, so I either want to make light of them or cast them aside, only to blog about them later in private.

I guess (that's the third paragraph I've begun with "I guess"; I feel like I deserve a cash prize) I need to learn how to talk about these things without dramatising them. Funnily enough, I might take a cue from certain films to help me with this. Which, of course, sounds counter-intuitive, but hear me out. (Who's hearing me out? You, the reader? I'm not sure if any of you exist anymore since the death of Google Reader. Perhaps, then, just the hypothetical therapist). Films like Noah Baumbach's and Wes Anderson's where characters talk about their emotions in a very dry and straight-forward manner. Not only do I like that aesthetically, but it might help with coaxing my emotions out because I won't feel as though I'm being particularly theatrical.

At this point I suppose the therapist would tell me whether or not that's absolute nonsense or whether it's actually a good idea and I should try it, but unfortunately I have no therapist, so I'll just have to go with my gut and ... try it.

I might do a bit of research by re-watching Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson's filmographies. I watched "Mr. Jealousy" tonight. It was enjoyable in a bland kind of way, funny at parts. I liked it.

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