Psychology Has Become My Dark Horse

Normally I do not worry about mock or practise question results, because they hardly ever reflect what I will actually get in the exam, due to the fact that as I do them, I'm still in the process of re-learning a bunch of stuff I've forgotten.

But recent psychology practise questions have really put the Fear in me, man. I need a medium-C in order to get a B, but my practise question results have turned out E and D. Like I say, normally this wouldn't worry me, but it does this time because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong, and his comments aren't helping. He says I need to focus more on evaluation, but if I do that then I will not be doing any description of the theories, and it's confusing, and I don't know what the fuck psychology wants.

Psychology has become my dark horse. I always thought Spanish would be the thing that brings me down, if anything does, but it looks like it might be psychology. I recall in January that before my psychology exam I wrote "this is genuinely the most afraid I have ever been for an exam" or something to that effect, and it was absolutely true. But this now trumps that. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing wrong, I'm underprepared (though I can still work on this), I just feel lost. I'm just going to keep working through the topics, trying to learn them, but I have no idea how I'll translate them into the format that the psychology examiners want to see.

I'm seriously--and I mean seriously--afraid that psychology is what is going to cause me to miss out on my uni offer, and I really don't know how to better myself in terms of my psychology-technique. So now very serious thoughts about what I will do instead of going to uni this September have begun to enter my consciousness. Very serious, but very vague ideas. I honestly don't know what I'll do. In a sense I'll feel set free from the rigid ways of formal education, but I will also be cast asea, no boat, no lifeguards. It will be such a huge disappointment, I'm not sure how I'll deal with it. I want to learn in higher education, I really do. The rigid exam system is the only thing that is off-putting, I quite enjoy everything else, but all that may vanish before me.

Fuck.

This has been a thoroughly pessimistic (though realistic) post, so I shall end it on some points of optimism:

- in January I was deeply afraid that I was going to do badly on my psychology exam, but got a B in it [though, I can't help but be realistic and point out that a huge chunk of that was made up of research methods, which is probably what saved me. no research methods this time.]

- I might get the offer anyway, even if I do miss my grade by a letter or so, due to the small amount of applicants to my degree [this is conjecture, though. I think there was a small amount; I can't be sure]

I was hoping to have a few more than that, but nope.

Writing my worries out always makes me feel slightly better about them (even if the causes haven't vanished), but the dread will come back later.

Fuck it; we'll see.

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