Fear

I don't think I've ever more genuinely thought that I am going to perform so poorly in an exam, and the worst part is: this exam is important. It's 50% of my A2 Psychology grade, and I need an overall B or there goes university, and the concept of university has been my only saving grace these past two years.

I fear quite thoroughly, quite realistically the consequences of my shortcomings. I've applied to 5 universities with relatively high grade boundaries and I'm not sure if I can do it any more. I'm not sure how to react to this.

For one I think I'll just have to keep going and hope for the best. But secondly, which is most important -- I draw a blank. I need a backup plan. Some other people in similar-but-not-identical situations are planning gap years to come back with more force next year, but do I want to do that? Not really. It will cause all sorts of complications. I just want things to run smoothly. I don't know. Perhaps I need to start writing more often. Try to produce something good. But that is such a whimsical hope; that my writing will be my saving grace. I might as well just hope to win the lottery.

I just want it to be done already. The whole year. I just want that results day in August to come, to check UCAS, to view the responses. I just want to know already. I don't want to go through the year.

Ugh.

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